I have a friend who is a WW dating a BM. She loves EVERYTHING about BM, swears up and down that her man is a good man and can't stand the idea of anyone putting down BM. What's got me thinking as I'm reading some of the blog posts is this: Is he really a good man if he takes care of you, provides for you but has no intention of marrying you?
I ask this because my girl (I'll call her Sue) has been with this guy for five years according to her. She told me he still has never even called her his girlfriend yet she is so in love with him because he's taken care of her for so long. Personally I think "brotha" either has commitment issues (nothing new with a majority of BM out there) or he just likes to have his little white girl on the side.
I see a few alarming things in their "relationship" (what little I have been exposed to as Sue and I are roommates) but keep them to myself as it really is none of my business. He seems controlling (he's Muslim and has a very "I'm the man you're the woman and you need to stay in your place" attitude), he's arrogant and he has no intentions of marrying Sue. When I asked her about that her reply was "You don't need to be married to be in a relationship with love".
That got me thinking about the NWNW I've heard so much about. NWNW makes sense to me. I can't see myself being with someone for so long, devoting my time, energy, love and life to this person and NOT have a ring on my finger. I guess this begs the question "What does marriage mean?" I've never been married, never even been engaged :0( but to me marriage mean commitment. Marriage means I am yours and you are mine till death do us part. It means through the best of times I will be there celebrating with you and through the worst of times I will be there supporting you. It means shared responsibility, joys, pains, intamacy (sexual and otherwise), resources, family, and a completeness of self.
I could be wrong. This is just how I see things. I think it's a shame she doesn't value herself enough to demand more from him or have the courage to leave for someone that is willing to give her his ENTIRE self and commitment.
Just thought of something else too: Why do BM (or men in general) see marriage as something to be put off for as long as possible? All I've ever heard from men about marriage is that there's too many problems, too much work, too many things that go wrong in a relationship once a couple decide to get married. Why? Is it because they are just immature? Are they afraid of the challenges the come with marriage? If you love a woman and want to be with her then what's the problem? How much does a relationship really change once you become man and wife? As I said I've never been married before so I don't know but I wish someone would clue me in to this.
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Please remember that just like a theory is not a law, an opinion is not fact. It is simply our view of how we see a certain situation. If you choose to comment please do so respectfully.