When I was in high school I met this guy. He is Puerto Rican and at the time I thought he was the sexiest man walking the halls lol. We did become friends and still are to this day. Being around him, talking to him and learning about him I fell in love with him so long ago. He was very intelligent, funny, sweet, sexy, and always respected me. He showed me things no other man at the time showed me, or even thought about.
It wasn't until I started really looking at the dynamics of our relationship that I realized he was a DBR. Not in the sense that he was disrespectful and had a lot of other women or played games and all the other usual traits of a DBR. He was a thug. He was a gangsta. He'd lived most of his life affiliated with the Crips and ran the lifestyle of a street hood. Never did he bring his life around me, he loved me enough not to taint me that way. I also realized he had a very damaged view of himself. When we got close (that moment when friendship turns to something more but not quite bf/gf status) he's always said "I'm no good for you mama." I always brushed it off and would tell him all the good qualities I saw in him (because truth be told he does have a lot). What I saw was the man that would do anything for his family, the man that cared more for his family and friends more than he cared for himself. I saw the creative poet and writer, the man that made me laugh with his silly antics. I saw the man that made love to me as if I was special to him. I saw the man that had respect and admiration for me. When I felt I couldn't do something or wasn't good enough for something he was the one that always told me otherwise. I saw the man I loved and dreamed of having a family with one day. All he saw in himself was the gangsta, the drug dealer, the man the did horrible things in his past that he couldn't get away from. It always broke my heart to hear him talk about himself, and I thought if I loved him enough he would eventually see what I saw in him. I figured if I loved him enough he would do better, he would see that someone cared about him, that someone would miss him deeply if he died.
Recently I had a conversation with him and as much as I wanted to fight it everything just came rushing back to me. I know now that the family I'd dreamed of for so long with him won't happen. What's really messing with my head is that for ten years we've been friends, I've constantly told him how much I loved him, how I wanted to be with him and I'd take care of him the way the other hood rat females he ends up with never could. He told me something (which I won't disclose) that seriously broke my heart as if he'd said he never wanted to see me again. That wasn't what he said, it wasn't anything in that context, the impact of what he told me had pretty much the same effect though. And then for the first time since I'd met him he told me he loves me. I'd waited so long for him to say that to me. I hate that he finally admits it right after he tells me such devastating news. He loves me, I believe him for the fact that he's never lied to me. I know he wouldn't play with my emotions like that and being who he is he wouldn't admit something like that unless he genuinely felt it. The sad thing is we can't do anything about it now. Part of me still wants to fight and be with him. But I feel a bigger part of me saying it's way past time to move on. There's nothing I can do for him. I feel so disloyal and guilty for having to move on. Now is a time he needs me more than anything and I want to be his rescuer but I can't. I can't save him from this.
I will always love him. He's the only one that's gotten in my heart. All I've known for ten years is him. Now I have to find a way to deal with the fact that my love and I will never be together with the life I'd imagined.
This blog is inspired by a group of women that have seriously opened my eyes. It is my way of sharing my thoughts on the lives and loves of AA women. I'm hoping to connect with the wonderfully intelligent women of this site to gain insight as to the state of today's AA woman.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Who runs your life?
I've been thinking a lot about a few things I was reading when a question came to mind. Who runs your life? Who makes those crucial life altering decisions for you? Who makes those preferential decisions for you?
When you wake up in the morning do you check in with anyone to see what you should wear? Or do you pick out an outfit you feel is flattering to you? Do you check in with anyone to determine which soap or body wash you should use? Or do you use whichever body wash you think smells good and moisturizes your skin well? Do you ask anyone where you should live, how you should style your hair, whether or not you should wear makeup, drive a certain car, like certain foods, travel to certain places, read certain books or pursue a certain career field. Or do you simply do these things because they make you happy, fulfill a certain place in your life, and contribute something beneficial to your being?
I ask these questions because I'm betting that the response from a majority of grown women in today's society would say, "I make these decisions for myself. Why would I need anyone to make those decisions for me? Hell why would I let anyone make those decisions for me?" PRECISELY! Why would you? So why then do a majority of women in the "black community" allow others to make the decision of who they date/marry/become lovers with? Why is it that BW allow themselves to internalize rumors and negative stereotypes about men of other races/cultures fed to them by the "black community"?
If you truly are your own woman and have a mind of your own you'd have the sense enough to not bite and hang on to what I like to call "fool's knowledge". What is fool's knowledge you ask? Fool's knowledge is "knowledge" that people have that you cannot verify yet take as fact only because a lot of people believe it's true. As an independent woman, a woman of her own mind, body, spirit and uniqueness you should know that banking on rumors will hinder you, not benefit you.
Fact: the marriage rate amongst BM to BW is about or around 30%.
Fact: There are way more non-BM attracted to BW than the "bc" would like you to believe
Fact: BM are NOT the only men that know how to satisfy a women intimately
Fact: More BW receive a higher education with a 7:1 college entry rate in the United States alone
FACT: According to a Census taken in 2008 there were approximately 20,400,000 BW to 18,600,000 BM living in the US. Of those 18 million less than half will marry, less than that will marry BW. That leaves OVER half the BW living in the United States single and alone.
I see, hear, and read too many BM arguing, begging, and crying for "Sistahs" to stay "loyal" to a "brotha." Too many getting unduly upset with the BW that have opened their mind to expand their options to include non-BM in their dating pool. And too many BW listening to the "bc" when they tell them (BW) who they should and should not date.
To tie this into my topic I asked the questions above to make this point. You don't let anyone tell you what to do in regards to every aspect of YOUR PERSONAL life....except with who you date? Why? Why let anyone guilt trip you into believing you owe anything to the "black community" simply because you share the same skin tone? You owe no one but YOURSELF. You are a woman and deserve to have the life you want. You deserve to have that 5, 6, 7 hundred thousand dollar house you love so much. Hell you deserve to have that million dollar house you love (that's me :0) ). You deserve to have the sexy car, the nice clothes. You deserve to be pampered and spoiled. You deserve to have a man that dotes on you all your desires. You deserve to have a man that protects and provides for YOU. And if that man happens to be a non-BM, who is ANYONE to tell you you shouldn't be with him because "he's not black"? What does it matter that a man that does all this for you and more does not share the same phenotype as you or the "men" within your culture? And why would you care?
You owe NO ONE. For all those that continually scream that BW should ONLY date and/or (because there is even less chance of this) marry BM because "if you don't you must not care about (or even hate) Black people", know that they have NO interest in YOUR happiness, health or wellbeing. They actually have no interest in "preserving" the black race either. If these wolf criers gave a rat's belly about Black people their concerns would not be focused on who you date/marry. Their concerns would be geared toward cleaning up ghetto communities, getting a better education system in place for our kids, banning and/or boycotting the majority of "music" put out containing disturbing and degrading messages that Black people listen to and idolize, putting stronger laws in place for deadbeat fathers and mothers and ENFORCING on those laws when called upon, advocating better family structures, proper contraceptive actions, safer sex practices and abstinence. They would focus on the problems within the "Black Community" at the ROOT instead of sweeping the flames from the top (worrying about who you date and more competition for BM) and concerning their selves with irrelevant issues while masquerading it as concern for the whole.
Don't misconstrue what I'm saying here. You can have everything you want in life with a BM, granted you've vetted him enough to know for certain he will provide all those things for you. That goes for any man, Black, White, Asian, Hispanic or whatever. HOWEVER the fact that the "bc" is telling you NOT to expand your search in love and to LIMIT yourself to ONLY BM is a problem. DO NOT LIMIT YOURSELF. Don't be a victim of fool's knowledge. Brush aside the rumors, accusations, hate talk, prejudice, spitefulness, jealousy, and outright LIES and make a decision for YOURSELF. If love is what is important to you, if a better quality of life is important to you, be bold. Be courageous. Step outside the proverbial "Black community" that wants to put limits on you and tell you you CAN'T. Dare to look for LOVE, not color. I promise you that even if that love happens to be with non-BM but it is true, sincere, loyal, genuine and faithful, you will have the best you could ever pray for.
When you wake up in the morning do you check in with anyone to see what you should wear? Or do you pick out an outfit you feel is flattering to you? Do you check in with anyone to determine which soap or body wash you should use? Or do you use whichever body wash you think smells good and moisturizes your skin well? Do you ask anyone where you should live, how you should style your hair, whether or not you should wear makeup, drive a certain car, like certain foods, travel to certain places, read certain books or pursue a certain career field. Or do you simply do these things because they make you happy, fulfill a certain place in your life, and contribute something beneficial to your being?
I ask these questions because I'm betting that the response from a majority of grown women in today's society would say, "I make these decisions for myself. Why would I need anyone to make those decisions for me? Hell why would I let anyone make those decisions for me?" PRECISELY! Why would you? So why then do a majority of women in the "black community" allow others to make the decision of who they date/marry/become lovers with? Why is it that BW allow themselves to internalize rumors and negative stereotypes about men of other races/cultures fed to them by the "black community"?
If you truly are your own woman and have a mind of your own you'd have the sense enough to not bite and hang on to what I like to call "fool's knowledge". What is fool's knowledge you ask? Fool's knowledge is "knowledge" that people have that you cannot verify yet take as fact only because a lot of people believe it's true. As an independent woman, a woman of her own mind, body, spirit and uniqueness you should know that banking on rumors will hinder you, not benefit you.
Fact: the marriage rate amongst BM to BW is about or around 30%.
Fact: There are way more non-BM attracted to BW than the "bc" would like you to believe
Fact: BM are NOT the only men that know how to satisfy a women intimately
Fact: More BW receive a higher education with a 7:1 college entry rate in the United States alone
FACT: According to a Census taken in 2008 there were approximately 20,400,000 BW to 18,600,000 BM living in the US. Of those 18 million less than half will marry, less than that will marry BW. That leaves OVER half the BW living in the United States single and alone.
I see, hear, and read too many BM arguing, begging, and crying for "Sistahs" to stay "loyal" to a "brotha." Too many getting unduly upset with the BW that have opened their mind to expand their options to include non-BM in their dating pool. And too many BW listening to the "bc" when they tell them (BW) who they should and should not date.
To tie this into my topic I asked the questions above to make this point. You don't let anyone tell you what to do in regards to every aspect of YOUR PERSONAL life....except with who you date? Why? Why let anyone guilt trip you into believing you owe anything to the "black community" simply because you share the same skin tone? You owe no one but YOURSELF. You are a woman and deserve to have the life you want. You deserve to have that 5, 6, 7 hundred thousand dollar house you love so much. Hell you deserve to have that million dollar house you love (that's me :0) ). You deserve to have the sexy car, the nice clothes. You deserve to be pampered and spoiled. You deserve to have a man that dotes on you all your desires. You deserve to have a man that protects and provides for YOU. And if that man happens to be a non-BM, who is ANYONE to tell you you shouldn't be with him because "he's not black"? What does it matter that a man that does all this for you and more does not share the same phenotype as you or the "men" within your culture? And why would you care?
You owe NO ONE. For all those that continually scream that BW should ONLY date and/or (because there is even less chance of this) marry BM because "if you don't you must not care about (or even hate) Black people", know that they have NO interest in YOUR happiness, health or wellbeing. They actually have no interest in "preserving" the black race either. If these wolf criers gave a rat's belly about Black people their concerns would not be focused on who you date/marry. Their concerns would be geared toward cleaning up ghetto communities, getting a better education system in place for our kids, banning and/or boycotting the majority of "music" put out containing disturbing and degrading messages that Black people listen to and idolize, putting stronger laws in place for deadbeat fathers and mothers and ENFORCING on those laws when called upon, advocating better family structures, proper contraceptive actions, safer sex practices and abstinence. They would focus on the problems within the "Black Community" at the ROOT instead of sweeping the flames from the top (worrying about who you date and more competition for BM) and concerning their selves with irrelevant issues while masquerading it as concern for the whole.
Don't misconstrue what I'm saying here. You can have everything you want in life with a BM, granted you've vetted him enough to know for certain he will provide all those things for you. That goes for any man, Black, White, Asian, Hispanic or whatever. HOWEVER the fact that the "bc" is telling you NOT to expand your search in love and to LIMIT yourself to ONLY BM is a problem. DO NOT LIMIT YOURSELF. Don't be a victim of fool's knowledge. Brush aside the rumors, accusations, hate talk, prejudice, spitefulness, jealousy, and outright LIES and make a decision for YOURSELF. If love is what is important to you, if a better quality of life is important to you, be bold. Be courageous. Step outside the proverbial "Black community" that wants to put limits on you and tell you you CAN'T. Dare to look for LOVE, not color. I promise you that even if that love happens to be with non-BM but it is true, sincere, loyal, genuine and faithful, you will have the best you could ever pray for.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Starting with statistics, moving onto thoughts of a indoctrinated woman
Something is bugging me. I keep reading all these statistics about the rate of BWBM marriages to others, I'm hearing from different bloggers that WM DO find BW desirable, then WM DON'T find BW desirable, the rate of OOW AA children being born is staggering and whether or not WM treat women better than BM do.
I would like to know how I can research this information myself. My momma always told me to never take anything on "fool's knowledge." Meaning to never just accept anything anyone is telling me. From what I've read in some of my favorite blogs I mostly agree with them because it adds up to what I see in my own experiences. After reading a comment from what seemed a disgruntled poster on another's blog, I had to stop and think a minute. Time to realize that my view of things is only a very diminutive perspective.
From my experience and the things I've seen thus far in life I do believe BW/WM marriages are far more common than people (namely the "bc" and white supremacists) would like to believe. The only way I know how to find out an approximate number of how many there are would be to do a census search. Even then however, the census shows marriages, not the ethnic/cultural make up of the partners involved in said marriage.
Now for those BW that are deluded into thinking (or are trying desperately to keep those AWAKENED BW in delusion) that WM do not find BW attractive and/or marriageable, flat out...you need to get out more. It was the comment by one Matrix Sleeper (what I call these deluded women) that really disturbed me. First, who gave this woman the authority to speak for the WM population? I have had plenty of WM come up to me and initiate conversation. Honestly in all of my experience with WM there has only been one that was not interested in me romantically (we are great friends though) because he's in love with European women (he loves their accent lol). For this woman to blatantly state that "WM consider marrying BW as "marrying down" (no lie that's straight from the horses mouth) shows just how indoctrinated she really is. Maybe WM don't approach HER because she's one of those women that wear the "Back Off!!" mask so clearly. Just wondering.
SIDE NOTE: I just wanted to insert a small comment about that mask. It is true many BW wear it and show it daily. I had to learn how to do this to keep the DBRs away from me at a very young age. Now my daddy, my brother and my uncle are all BM. They are men that take care of their family and are great providers and protectors. They are the "good" BM. However it's because of the exposure I've had to DBR BM that I identify DBRs as BM. I know there are good and bad men in every culture/race, but my limited exposure to other races has narrowed the world wide view of DBRs to the ones I see in the "hood" which happen to be primarily BM. It's occurred to me that because we (BW) feel we need to wear such a mask to keep the DBRs away, when you are around DBRs for an extended length of time, that mask becomes your face. Once that mask becomes your face it's hard to change it. Our perpetual "Red light" is on now. So my conclusion...it's the DBRs that we protect ourselves from but ultimately ourselves that pay the price for not being able to let down the mask when necessary.
Back to my post: This Matrix Sleeper also made a comment about AA children stating "Also, I think the alarming rate comparison for BM asking BW out on dates is crazy… they may not be marrying BW but something is happening…cause babies are still being born….I am sure not all of them are from one night stands…" She says this as if it's ok. As if making babies is proof that "Black love" is on the rise or something. If I misinterpreted then I'm sorry. This comment does not sit well with me though. These babies may or may not be from one night stands, but a lot of them (this I DO know to be fact) are OOW children that suffer greatly in the long run from not having their father, or mother for that matter (because there are deadbeat mommas). Sad to say I currently live amongst the products of such unions. These kids grow up to be disrespectful, angry, sometimes criminal, and negative all around. Yes babies are still being made. Because dumb BW fall for any line DBR BM feed them, spread their legs to please him, slave in kitchens to feed him and when that First Response stick screams PREGNANT homeboy is out the door faster than Speedy Gonzales and one to the nest one. But that's A-OK from what this commenter is presenting.
And that ties into this, WM do treat women better than BM do. You can see that clear as day in everything. Businesses, media, music, movies. How many WM have you heard make an album about bitches, hoes, getting money, recklessly spending money, killing, stealing, drinking, smoking, and pretty much anything and everything else out there GLORIFYING a ghetto (SAD) life? Now granted white folks can come up with some pretty crazy music but from a general standpoint they don't degrade their women, or any woman for that matter. I use to be a HUGE Backstreet Boys fan (I still LOVE you Kevin!!!!). Music like theirs along with Jon B, 98 Degrees and a few others showed me what true love songs were all about. I'm not talking about the back in the day music (Vandrose, Williams, Pendegrass), I mean music I listened to only a few years ago. And while Mint Condition continues to be one of my favorite R&B groups, there are very few like them out there.
Aside from music itself, while I recognize that there are some sick, damaged WM out there, that is not the majority. From my observations and interactions WM are career driven, determined, successful, financially wise, and family oriented. These are qualities that happen to be lacking in a majority of the BM base. While some get it, too many don't and blame everyone but their selves for what they lack in life, while overcompensating with something that is trivial and irrelevant (penis size and skills for ex.).
I don't write all this to bash BM and uplift WM. I write this because it's what I see on the daily. Call me out for airing dirty laundry that EVERYBODY can see anyway, this is what I'm noticing.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
My answer to the "You hate your self/people/men" critics
I love Latino men. Enrique Iglesias podemos bailar todo la noche! El es tan atractivo!
I love Asian men. Shin Koyamada had my heart from the first time I saw him in The Last Samurai.
I love White men. Orlando Bloom, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt (you're a lucky woman Angelina), Eric Bana, John Cena, Randy Orton, Dave Batista, Channing Tatum, Wentworth Miller, Dominic Purcell, Leland Chapman and on and on and on! Jason Mamoa I'll list you here too (though you are White and Hawaiian).
I for whatever reason felt the desire to put it out plainly in writing. Men of different cultures and races are sexy and appealing to me. Everything from their physical attractiveness to the tone of their voice, different dialects and accents, men of other cultures and races are a treasure that many a BW would benefit from if only they were courageous enough to step outside to the box the "BC" has put them in.
You have nothing to prove to anyone. Who can tell you you hate yourself because you don't prefer BM? Who can tell you you have deep rooted issues because you like a rainbow of flavors, not just and always chocolate? Who has the right to tell you you are wrong for being who you are, having your likes and dislikes, wanting White over Black, Blue over Brown, and Blonde over Black? Why try to justify yourself to people that don't know you, people you don't know and will most likely never see or meet again?
What kind of back@sswards society are we living in that makes it ok for EVERYBODY else to do as they please yet BW MUST always stay in their place? Who decides what that place is?
A lot of questions but heres the best answer I can come up with. I have TOTAL control over ME. I decide who I will be with, I decide what I can and cannot do, I decide what I like and dislike, and I decide what's ok for me. I know my heritage, am damn proud of it. I come from a healthy stock of Sierra Leon, Africa, Irish American, Cheyenne Native American peoples (I have more African blood than the rest which would classify me as African American). My people are warriors, lovers, passionate and proud. We've worked hard, sometimes played harder, but always remembered what it took to get where we are. That's not to say things were always peachy. Quite the contrary on occasion. However this is the history from which I came. This is the blood that flows through me.
Loving myself, knowing my heritage has nothing to do with the men I prefer. Simply put, I like what I like. I prefer White, Latino, and Asian men the same way I prefer Windows 7 over Windows Me (I'm a techie, sorry).
So get mad, throw a hissy fit, tell my I'm breaking your heart, cuss me out, shout me down, have a conniption. Guess what? At the end of the day, when your blue in the face and tired from trying to "put me in my place", I'll be in my space with my White/Latino/Asian man in arms enjoying every minute of it. Why? Because no one can define your happiness for you. I know what makes me happy and the naysayers can say all they want, it doesn't change a thing for me.
Bright Blessings
I love Asian men. Shin Koyamada had my heart from the first time I saw him in The Last Samurai.
I for whatever reason felt the desire to put it out plainly in writing. Men of different cultures and races are sexy and appealing to me. Everything from their physical attractiveness to the tone of their voice, different dialects and accents, men of other cultures and races are a treasure that many a BW would benefit from if only they were courageous enough to step outside to the box the "BC" has put them in.
You have nothing to prove to anyone. Who can tell you you hate yourself because you don't prefer BM? Who can tell you you have deep rooted issues because you like a rainbow of flavors, not just and always chocolate? Who has the right to tell you you are wrong for being who you are, having your likes and dislikes, wanting White over Black, Blue over Brown, and Blonde over Black? Why try to justify yourself to people that don't know you, people you don't know and will most likely never see or meet again?
What kind of back@sswards society are we living in that makes it ok for EVERYBODY else to do as they please yet BW MUST always stay in their place? Who decides what that place is?
A lot of questions but heres the best answer I can come up with. I have TOTAL control over ME. I decide who I will be with, I decide what I can and cannot do, I decide what I like and dislike, and I decide what's ok for me. I know my heritage, am damn proud of it. I come from a healthy stock of Sierra Leon, Africa, Irish American, Cheyenne Native American peoples (I have more African blood than the rest which would classify me as African American). My people are warriors, lovers, passionate and proud. We've worked hard, sometimes played harder, but always remembered what it took to get where we are. That's not to say things were always peachy. Quite the contrary on occasion. However this is the history from which I came. This is the blood that flows through me.
Loving myself, knowing my heritage has nothing to do with the men I prefer. Simply put, I like what I like. I prefer White, Latino, and Asian men the same way I prefer Windows 7 over Windows Me (I'm a techie, sorry).
So get mad, throw a hissy fit, tell my I'm breaking your heart, cuss me out, shout me down, have a conniption. Guess what? At the end of the day, when your blue in the face and tired from trying to "put me in my place", I'll be in my space with my White/Latino/Asian man in arms enjoying every minute of it. Why? Because no one can define your happiness for you. I know what makes me happy and the naysayers can say all they want, it doesn't change a thing for me.
Bright Blessings
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Just a thought
I have a friend who is a WW dating a BM. She loves EVERYTHING about BM, swears up and down that her man is a good man and can't stand the idea of anyone putting down BM. What's got me thinking as I'm reading some of the blog posts is this: Is he really a good man if he takes care of you, provides for you but has no intention of marrying you?
I ask this because my girl (I'll call her Sue) has been with this guy for five years according to her. She told me he still has never even called her his girlfriend yet she is so in love with him because he's taken care of her for so long. Personally I think "brotha" either has commitment issues (nothing new with a majority of BM out there) or he just likes to have his little white girl on the side.
I see a few alarming things in their "relationship" (what little I have been exposed to as Sue and I are roommates) but keep them to myself as it really is none of my business. He seems controlling (he's Muslim and has a very "I'm the man you're the woman and you need to stay in your place" attitude), he's arrogant and he has no intentions of marrying Sue. When I asked her about that her reply was "You don't need to be married to be in a relationship with love".
That got me thinking about the NWNW I've heard so much about. NWNW makes sense to me. I can't see myself being with someone for so long, devoting my time, energy, love and life to this person and NOT have a ring on my finger. I guess this begs the question "What does marriage mean?" I've never been married, never even been engaged :0( but to me marriage mean commitment. Marriage means I am yours and you are mine till death do us part. It means through the best of times I will be there celebrating with you and through the worst of times I will be there supporting you. It means shared responsibility, joys, pains, intamacy (sexual and otherwise), resources, family, and a completeness of self.
I could be wrong. This is just how I see things. I think it's a shame she doesn't value herself enough to demand more from him or have the courage to leave for someone that is willing to give her his ENTIRE self and commitment.
Just thought of something else too: Why do BM (or men in general) see marriage as something to be put off for as long as possible? All I've ever heard from men about marriage is that there's too many problems, too much work, too many things that go wrong in a relationship once a couple decide to get married. Why? Is it because they are just immature? Are they afraid of the challenges the come with marriage? If you love a woman and want to be with her then what's the problem? How much does a relationship really change once you become man and wife? As I said I've never been married before so I don't know but I wish someone would clue me in to this.
I ask this because my girl (I'll call her Sue) has been with this guy for five years according to her. She told me he still has never even called her his girlfriend yet she is so in love with him because he's taken care of her for so long. Personally I think "brotha" either has commitment issues (nothing new with a majority of BM out there) or he just likes to have his little white girl on the side.
I see a few alarming things in their "relationship" (what little I have been exposed to as Sue and I are roommates) but keep them to myself as it really is none of my business. He seems controlling (he's Muslim and has a very "I'm the man you're the woman and you need to stay in your place" attitude), he's arrogant and he has no intentions of marrying Sue. When I asked her about that her reply was "You don't need to be married to be in a relationship with love".
That got me thinking about the NWNW I've heard so much about. NWNW makes sense to me. I can't see myself being with someone for so long, devoting my time, energy, love and life to this person and NOT have a ring on my finger. I guess this begs the question "What does marriage mean?" I've never been married, never even been engaged :0( but to me marriage mean commitment. Marriage means I am yours and you are mine till death do us part. It means through the best of times I will be there celebrating with you and through the worst of times I will be there supporting you. It means shared responsibility, joys, pains, intamacy (sexual and otherwise), resources, family, and a completeness of self.
I could be wrong. This is just how I see things. I think it's a shame she doesn't value herself enough to demand more from him or have the courage to leave for someone that is willing to give her his ENTIRE self and commitment.
Just thought of something else too: Why do BM (or men in general) see marriage as something to be put off for as long as possible? All I've ever heard from men about marriage is that there's too many problems, too much work, too many things that go wrong in a relationship once a couple decide to get married. Why? Is it because they are just immature? Are they afraid of the challenges the come with marriage? If you love a woman and want to be with her then what's the problem? How much does a relationship really change once you become man and wife? As I said I've never been married before so I don't know but I wish someone would clue me in to this.
Dating on InterracialMatch.com
November 27, 2010 is the day a Long Island, New Yorker contacted me on InterracialMatch.com. I've never really been a fan of internet dating but reading the discussions on some of the blogs here had me thinking. I'm still young (24 soon to be 25) but I long to have a special someone in my life. Seems like all the guys I meet and am attracted to are already taken or not interested.
So I clicked the link to this site from Evia's blog (I believe) and decided to try it out. A day or so after putting up my profile I got an e-mail from NY guy. He's handsome, looks Italian. From his profile he looked to be an interesting person so I emailed him back. Ten days later we're writing book long emails back and forth everyday since. He seems to have a great personality. I'm a little skeptic because NY is coming off like just the man I've always saw myself with. We have a lot in common as far as I can tell.
I don't have any expectations. I won't say he's the one, I don't know him yet. A week after emailing he asked if he could come to Jersey to see me. Of course I declined, one because I don't know him and two because I never want to come off as being anxious and/or desperate. This is turning out to be a very intriguing situation so I think I'll keep posting on how we progress if such a progression should happen.
Bright Blessings
So I clicked the link to this site from Evia's blog (I believe) and decided to try it out. A day or so after putting up my profile I got an e-mail from NY guy. He's handsome, looks Italian. From his profile he looked to be an interesting person so I emailed him back. Ten days later we're writing book long emails back and forth everyday since. He seems to have a great personality. I'm a little skeptic because NY is coming off like just the man I've always saw myself with. We have a lot in common as far as I can tell.
I don't have any expectations. I won't say he's the one, I don't know him yet. A week after emailing he asked if he could come to Jersey to see me. Of course I declined, one because I don't know him and two because I never want to come off as being anxious and/or desperate. This is turning out to be a very intriguing situation so I think I'll keep posting on how we progress if such a progression should happen.
Bright Blessings
Friday, December 3, 2010
Something amazing I found on Amazon.com
Lately I've been craving a good romance novel but all I've ever seen were the typical "Fabio" type novels. Now I read paranormal romance as well but even those are all WW/WM. Well I went on Amazon.com and just happened to type in "interracial" as the key word and made a wonderfully refreshing discovery. There are books out there that cater to MY liking. These are BWWM IR romance and Paranormal IR romance. Granted some of the books I've previewed are kind of over the top. The one I have found to be satisfying though are very realistic with a good plot and character development. I set up and Amazon Associates account specifically so I could help promote these wonderful gems of the romance genre. If anyone has already read some of the books listed please feel free to give your comments as to what you thought of the book.
I'm thinking I will start reading a book a month and give my review here. Feel free to join me as I will post up which book I'll be reading a month ahead.
Happy readings
BD
I'm thinking I will start reading a book a month and give my review here. Feel free to join me as I will post up which book I'll be reading a month ahead.
Happy readings
BD
The BW image: response to another blogger's post
I've been reading something very interesting and have to say I never really thought about it until seeing this blog. It was about an ABC report about how couples were handling the husbands staying at home while the wives go to work. One couple apparently was an BW/WM IR. The stereotype prevailed. The wife was your regular neck-twisting, loud mouthed, overly aggressive, emasculating woman while her husband was timid, no backbone, didn't say much and would jump at his own shadow.
I've seen this image so many times before it hurts. And it's always with a BW/WM couple. When there is a WW/WM couple on tv or in the movies that man will move hell and high water for his woman. In BW/BM shows that man is most of the time promoting himself and looking down on his woman. It's sick and twisted. And just like the above example, in BW/WM relationships on tv the woman is usually a "bitch" while the man acts like a punk.
The commenters to this blog kept asking one question that bugs me now: "how can we fix this problem with the black woman's image in the media?" Personally as I feel everyone is responsible for their selves and their own actions I don't believe it's possible. Think about it, angry black women in media make money, passive black women in media don't. Angry black women are entertaining and get ratings, others don't. I think when black women wake the hell up and realize that they are getting paid to be clowns (just like the black men that are portrayed as no love thugs) maybe they would think about which roles they decide to put out there.
Then again it's all about the money so who knows. I think if we got enough people in the media we could be our own advocates (as in successfully getting a better image out in the media). If we got enough Black Women that really cared about our image and the future image of our daughters we could turn things around. Until then the only real solution is to teach our daughters to be better, and teach their friends to be better (because it takes a village and all that). Our hope lies in future generations. But that's just my opinion.
I've seen this image so many times before it hurts. And it's always with a BW/WM couple. When there is a WW/WM couple on tv or in the movies that man will move hell and high water for his woman. In BW/BM shows that man is most of the time promoting himself and looking down on his woman. It's sick and twisted. And just like the above example, in BW/WM relationships on tv the woman is usually a "bitch" while the man acts like a punk.
The commenters to this blog kept asking one question that bugs me now: "how can we fix this problem with the black woman's image in the media?" Personally as I feel everyone is responsible for their selves and their own actions I don't believe it's possible. Think about it, angry black women in media make money, passive black women in media don't. Angry black women are entertaining and get ratings, others don't. I think when black women wake the hell up and realize that they are getting paid to be clowns (just like the black men that are portrayed as no love thugs) maybe they would think about which roles they decide to put out there.
Then again it's all about the money so who knows. I think if we got enough people in the media we could be our own advocates (as in successfully getting a better image out in the media). If we got enough Black Women that really cared about our image and the future image of our daughters we could turn things around. Until then the only real solution is to teach our daughters to be better, and teach their friends to be better (because it takes a village and all that). Our hope lies in future generations. But that's just my opinion.
My "aha" moment
Ok so I've been reading a few inspiring post by some very intelligent ladies on the subject of interracial dating. I'll say this, I love me some WM, AM, and HM. I'm a 24 year old single BW that's seriously looking for something better than the "gangsta". A lot of the points I've read thus far are valid. For some reason BM feel they have the right to dictate who we as BW decide to give our hearts (or bodies for that matter) to.
Only you know your heart. Only you know what you like and don't like. I think it's a crime that other people feel the need to "put us in our place" when it comes to our personal lives. It sickens me that BM feel they can date whomever they wish and yet when we BW come to our senses and begin to date out it's a problem. We are now "betraying" our "people". Seriously?! These are people I don't know and probably will never know.
The way I see it is this, I'm not going to be dating a BM just because society says that's who I'm suppose to be with, or because that's what make other people comfortable. Whatever man I'm with, I will be with him because HE makes ME happy and I enjoy doing the same for HIM. White, Hispanic, Asian or Martian for all I care. If he's attractive to me and attracted to me we can work something out.
I want to say thank you to the two ladies whose blog post I read today because you have opened my eyes to see that I'm not the only woman who feels how I feel and thinks how I think. I no longer feel alone in my heart. Thank you.
Only you know your heart. Only you know what you like and don't like. I think it's a crime that other people feel the need to "put us in our place" when it comes to our personal lives. It sickens me that BM feel they can date whomever they wish and yet when we BW come to our senses and begin to date out it's a problem. We are now "betraying" our "people". Seriously?! These are people I don't know and probably will never know.
The way I see it is this, I'm not going to be dating a BM just because society says that's who I'm suppose to be with, or because that's what make other people comfortable. Whatever man I'm with, I will be with him because HE makes ME happy and I enjoy doing the same for HIM. White, Hispanic, Asian or Martian for all I care. If he's attractive to me and attracted to me we can work something out.
I want to say thank you to the two ladies whose blog post I read today because you have opened my eyes to see that I'm not the only woman who feels how I feel and thinks how I think. I no longer feel alone in my heart. Thank you.
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